So many of us do online dating, but so many of us are still embarrassed by it, even when there are so many dating apps out there. But it doesn't have to be that way. Think I'm wrong? Think there is no stigma? I have a friend who I privately know met her boyfriend on Jdate -- but she doesn't tell most people that.

I know several other couples who have met on online who keep that fact a secret. Think about it -- if you get engaged to someone you met on OkCupid, how likely it is that you are going to tell a random stranger the true story of how you met? Probably not super likely. Though I wish it didn't, it even sounds embarrassing to me!

If I can first convince myself to further stop the stigma, maybe can I convince others to do the same. May we all find romance if we want it through whatever medium we desire, free of society's judgement.

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Don't you know that the school buildings are never cool enough to stand the humidity that's still here? Don't you know we're sliding out of our seats thinking about how we rather be by the water? You make people pull out their fall attire just to put their shorts back on. And not to mention, being cold in the morning and humid in the afternoon? Like wow. What a sick joke! You kick start the holiday season way too early. Pumpkin spiced everything and plaid everywhere?

I'm still enjoying sunglasses and ice cream. You can't pick a temperature but you want to make me excited for the fall season to come? That's not how it works! And now you try to make us excited with the thought of Halloween creeping slowly closer. There is a WHOLE thirty days between your first day and October's first day, I shouldn't be seeing back to school supplies next to Halloween candy. When you finally start to cool off and change the leaves from green to gold, I couldn't be happier.

You are one of the prettiest months, next to October. Your month inspires people to close doors or chapters in their life in order to blossom in the spring. Pulling out my jeans is the highlight of your month, fall fashion begins to take over and the holidays just roll in after you. You bring us the beginning of football season, bonfires, and nights spent looking at the stars. Although I can't stand your month, there is some enjoyment to it.

It is the beginning of October but most of us college students are still feeling the September Struggle. By this time, many of us have had at least one mental breakdown, 3 assignments due in one day, a Netflix show finished and sleep deprivation. I believe the 'September Struggle' occurs because of one main reason: our professors decide to make everything due in one week during this month.

Granted, this is not the case for all but it sure seems like this is the case every year during this month. You always see it coming, but you never end up being fully prepared. After it's gone, it'll still leave you reeling for a little while, so take time to appreciate being able to breathe. During this month you don't spend countless hours doing homework at first.

Then one week it all hits and you suddenly do not have enough time in the day to do all that needs to be accomplished. Then the 'September Struggle' hits and it hits hard. Next thing you know you'll be walking around struggling to stay awake in class and just trying to get through the week by any means necessary. However, it's all good cause your classmates next to you are in the same boat as you. Your professors all seem to decide at the same time that they have taught you enough to test you, have you give a presentation, write a paper, and do a group project, all in the same week.

During the first bit, it seems easy to stay on top of everything. You may even be able to sneak some Netflix in. Reward yourself with a new series after you survive September. Once October begins to show things begin to look up. You realize fall break is coming and become re-energized. You take a Friday afternoon to reorganize your life. You take another Sunday to catch up on all the work you have gotten behind on and all your favorite shows you have missed.

You finally find the time to do all of the laundry you have missed between doing homework and curling up in your bed to try to get a few hours of rest before class. You begin to form a routine and actually stick to it. As September begins to wind down and October begins to show things are beginning to look brighter and more manageable. Just make it to fall break but don't forget to begin study for midterms! Reward yourself for surviving September, but keep your eye on the prize: a decent GPA!

And remember, you are not alone during the September Struggle. Maybe Billy Joel was right, but we can wake everyone up now that September has ended. I did it fam. The ultimate leap that everyone dreams of - I moved to Europe! And in peak season as well Boy, was I feeling the excitement and my Instagram and Pinterest pages would confirm it.

I stayed glued to social platforms pinning every "European Summer Outfit Idea" and "Best Cafe's in Stockholm" that I could find. Soothing myself to sleep each night with countless searches of fashion, food, and home decor the Nordics would offer me.

It fed my soul and eased any anxieties that would arise about moving. It was Mid-June that I embarked on my journey and I'm happy I didn't have to do it solely alone.

Me, my boyfriend and 4 suitcases set off together! Mind you, this was not my first time to Sweden. I have been going in and out of the country for over 6 months whilst my partner and I did long distance, so I knew my way around Arlanda, but I've never traveled with more than 2 suite cases before.

It didn't matter though, the bag fee's, the weight, the stress - It all would seem worth it once I was in my modern, Swedish apartment. However, instead of the hot Italian summer air, crisp lights of the Eiffel Tower or the smell of freshly baked baguettes every morning, Aperol Spritz on tap, or the enchanting Spanish music that plays through the darkness that I fantasized about, I was met with 17 degree C water, sweaters and food that lacked any sort of spice.

Songs About Being 17 Grey's Anatomy Quotes Vine Quotes 4 Leaf Clover Self Respect. Brittany Morgan, National Writer's Society 2. Radhi, SUNY Stony Brook 3. Kristen Haddox , Penn State University 4.

Jennifer Kustanovich , SUNY Stony Brook 5. Clare Regelbrugge , University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. About us Advertise Terms Privacy DMCA Contact us. Welcome back. Sign in to comment to your favorite stories, participate in your community and interact with your friends. No account? Create one. Start writing a post. Student Life Breaking Down the Stigma of Online Dating. There are over seven billion people in this world; why limit yourself to only those around you? Salem State University.

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Albany, NY. Keep Reading Show less. Featured Ditch The Gym In September Build muscle and gain cardio without stepping into the hectic gym. Hobart and William Smith Colleges. Featured A Letter To The Month September It's a love-hate relationship. Manhattanville College. Dear September, Back again so soon?

Student Life The September Struggle Because 3 tests in a matter of 2 days is the struggle. Furman University. Featured Leave It All and Move Away.

They were floored -- they hadn't heard of anyone doing online dating that intensely, and none of them had any interest in doing it themselves.

A few people vocalized their approval and asked some follow-up questions; most people stayed silent, avoiding making eye contact with me and looking uncomfortable. But I'll never forget one girl's comment. As I'm reflecting on it now, it still feels unsettling to me.

I can still feel the knot in my stomach every time I stop and think about it. She said, "It's not that I'm against online dating -- I don't have a problem with you doing it. I just feel like you should meet someone organically! In a few sentences, she had knocked me down. There I was, feeling so proud of my boldness and initiative, and her comment had left me momentarily speechless. I'll spare you the messy dialogue that followed in which, holding back tears, I unsuccessfully defended myself.

Instead, I'll share my reflections on the particular situation and on the greater issues it exposed for me. I'm not going to lie -- I hold a LOT of privileges. I'm white, cisgender, heterosexual, able-bodied, and come from an upper middle-class family. However, I'm not thin. I'm not thin, I'm not tall, I don't have straight hair, I'm not blonde, I have had recurrent acne since middle school, I'm not submissive, I'm not docile. And I am BOLD as hell. While I hold immense privilege, the characteristics I listed above are not privileged characteristics, especially if possessed by a woman.

For me, the one characteristic about myself that I wish I could change is my body's size. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I work out usually times a week and try to eat properly, but I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome , which means a lot of things. Right now it means that even if I try extremely hard to lose weight, I can hardly lose any. What does it mean, especially as a woman, to walk through your life each day essentially never feeling validated by those you are attracted to?

When I vocalize this feeling to my friends, most say, "But that's not true! You are beautiful and amazing. Some day you will find potential partners who are attracted to you. I appreciate my peers' support, but the majority of those individuals who say this are not the individuals that do online dating. They are approached by potential partners regularly in their daily lives. I'm not blaming them, but I want to call out that love usually finds them. The few that say, "I know, it sucks so much," are often the ones who experience something similar to what I experience.

I write about online dating primarily to reach out to those women -- those women who are not always deemed societally attractive but are kickass, bold, incredible women.

I've hypothesized that because I am not thin and because I am bold, loud, and potentially intimidating, men almost never approach me. The girl who told me that she wants to meet someone "organically" does not have this problem. She is thin, has clear skin, and straight hair. I actually love my curly hair by the way. But I might not. However, I am not just sitting around waiting. This summer, I realized how tired I had become of feeling sorry for myself.

Joining the crazy world of OkCupid has been scary, uncomfortable, and sometimes unpleasant at times, but it has allowed me to take control of my romantic life.

I've talked to so many women who say that online dating has revolutionized their romantic experiences. For women who are interested in men, gender norms dictate that men should be asking us out, that they should be in control of our romantic destiny. I think that regardless of gender, asking someone out is something that takes courage. I know that every time I sent an email to ask someone out prior to my online dating life, I was overwhelmed with nervousness.

And I have never explicitly asked someone out in person. That takes guts, and even I have not dared to be that bold. Yet with online dating, the stakes are lower. For me, it feels very low risk to send bold and daring messages out to men in the OkCupid universe. But even though it's low risk, I'd argue that it is a way that I am challenging societal gender norms that say that as a woman, I should be waiting around for some man to sweep me off my feet.

In this small way, online dating can be radical. Through what other medium is it so easy for a woman to ask a man out without often being perceived as too assertive, as too bold? I can't think of any. OkCupid has allowed me to post photos of myself where I think I look good -- where I don't look overweight. If you meet me in person, you may think, who is that short stocky girl with poofy hair? But if you look at my pictures on my online dating profile, you're probably not going to think that.

I'm not saying that we should all go obscuring how we really look or that being overweight means you are not attractive -- this is how I experience it personally , which the online dating world has termed "catfishing," but I think there is something to online dating's ability to create unexpectedly successful relationships based on this crazy thing called the internet.

Of course, looks are some of the first characteristics that people judge each other's profiles for. There are certain things you can't hide. But OkCupid has this funny way of bringing people together who may not have found each other attractive if they saw each other out on the street. Online dating should not just be for those lacking validation, those not considered attractive by society -- it can and should be for everyone.

And how cool is it that I get to meet so many people that I would have probably never known existed if not for meeting them on the Internet? OkCupid is simply a vessel for which to connect people -- it isn't very different from meeting someone at a bar, for example. Just because you meet someone in person doesn't mean it is going to be successful, no matter how "organically" it happens.

My friend always jokes that if an OkCupid date doesn't work out, I'll just order another one online. She's right, and that is pretty awesome. So many people are doing online dating these days. Everyone is talking about how funny it is, but not as many people are talking about how it has revolutionized the way humans find romantic connection.

The fact is, whether we admit it or not, society at large still privileges meeting someone in person over meeting someone online. I've internalized this idea myself. The stigma still exists, no matter how less it is now than when online dating first emerged. So many of us do online dating, but so many of us are still embarrassed by it, even when there are so many dating apps out there. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Think I'm wrong? Think there is no stigma? I have a friend who I privately know met her boyfriend on Jdate -- but she doesn't tell most people that. I know several other couples who have met on online who keep that fact a secret.

Think about it -- if you get engaged to someone you met on OkCupid, how likely it is that you are going to tell a random stranger the true story of how you met?

Probably not super likely. Though I wish it didn't, it even sounds embarrassing to me! If I can first convince myself to further stop the stigma, maybe can I convince others to do the same.

May we all find romance if we want it through whatever medium we desire, free of society's judgement. Skip to Main Content ×. Main Menu U. News U. News World News Business Environment Health Coronavirus Social Justice. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. Voices Queer Voices Women's Voices Black Voices Latino Voices Asian Voices. Special Projects Highline. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. From Our Partners The State of Abortion Epic Entertainment Heart Smart.

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And what does organic mean anyway? A man made of fresh vegetables? I know I don't want that. Go To Homepage. Becca Wolinsky, Contributor. Suggest a correction. Popular in the Community. What's Hot. All The Convincing You'll Need To Ditch Bottled Water For Good.

If one person was weird, then they all must be weird, right? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Instead, I'll share my reflections on the particular situation and on the greater issues it exposed for me. Albany, NY. Lifestyle This Daily Routine Totally Cured My Acne-Prone Skin — Every Single Product Is From Amazon Because sometimes the all-natural route just doesn't work. You are here: Home » Arts » Does the online dating stigma still exist?

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